Some years ago, Darkvale Labs acquired a Tesla coil from a Tampa Bay gentleman of questionable motives. This, we find, is the only kind of gentleman that Tampa Bay has to offer, but we made our bargain anyway, and to this day are proud owners of one of the more beautiful and dramatic scientific devices that one can use to destroy themselves instantly in a cloud of screams and smoke. If you wish to endanger all that you love with 4 to 6 foot bolts of intense high voltage electricity, accept no substitutes for Mr. Tesla's magnificent coil.

As it turns out, however, modern American safety standards are somewhat unenthusiastic about the ownership of these devices, and the skittish fellow that OSHA sent to inspect our labs and production floors had very few kind things to say about our dear Sparky Widowmaker. With every new encounter, I find myself less and less impressed with OSHA's sense of adventure, and only by distracting him with our display of Jehovah's Witness traps were we able to quietly smuggle our beloved Tesla coil back into her crate and away from his steely gaze. Thank heavens he didn't stumble onto our combination moonshine still and fission reactor.

Highly recommended: rubber soled shoes, thick insulated gloves, and being several miles away when she lights up.