"Congratulations, discerning shopper, on the purchase of your Boston Dynamics brand Galactus 4.6 Personal Time Travel Device. We are certain you will enjoy many happy centuries with your Galactus series machine, which has been rigorously tested by our quality control department through a process of repeated bludgeoning with only the finest hockey sticks. Before you activate this complicated device, we refer you to the following ground rules to ensure maximum safety and cosmic stability.
- Safety goggles should be worn at all times during temporal transit - get yourself some cool ones like Bono’s.
- The Renaissance was not quite the mead-fueled romp your local LARP chapter would have you believe. Unless you enjoy farming, starving, and defecating until you die, you may wish to avoid this period.
- To avoid life destroying temporal madness, try chewing gum during transits in excess of a thousand years.
- Despite millions of good reasons not to, you must leave the Hitler family alone. Failure to do so will result in deep cosmic entropy and even more historians crippled by alcoholism than we have now.
- Corduroy bellbottoms have NEVER looked good. Save your machine’s batteries and avoid that particular investigation altogether.
- If visiting the Battle of Hastings, please say hi to Harry Godwinson for us. Try to get to him before the unfortunate “arrow moment”, if possible.
- As neither Che Guevara himself nor any of the people he murdered will understand that t-shirt, it’s probably best to leave it in your closet and spare yourself some uncomfortable moments.
- As it turns out, the Cavern Club was completely empty that night. The Quarrymen were performing exclusively for a room full of hipster time travelers from the future.
- If traveling into the American past, it is strongly recommended that you be caucasian.
With the use of proper safety equipment and common sense, you and your Galactus 4.6 Personal Time Travel Device can enjoy all of human history with minimal amounts of blood or syphilitic madness to deal with afterwards. On behalf of the Boston Dynamics Time Travel division, we thank you for your business and hope you survive to purchase more examples of our groundbreaking technology in years to come."