Jon Bon Jovi was 24 when the album Slippery When Wet was recorded, which would likely put him at 23 or younger when he wrote the lyric, “I’ve seen a million faces, and I’ve rocked them all.” Assuming he rocked no faces before he was 3 years old, this gives us 20 years of face rockin’ to work with. He would need to rock an average of 50 thousand faces a year to hit this ambitious “million” metric, which works out to 4,167 faces a month, or about 1042 faces a week. Allowing for 8 hours of sleep a night, since face rockin’ is a considerable calorie burner, the 149 faces he needed to rock every day would have to happen at a rate of just over 9 faces an hour, allowing for no breaks or holidays. He most likely tried to rock several faces at once to save time, but attempting to rock more than 20 faces simultaneously makes it difficult to know who’s just faking a good face rockin', while hoping you’ll go away. We believe it’s safe to assume Mr. Bon Jovi has fudged his numbers a bit, but thus far his people have offered no response to our numerous emails or phone messages. These are difficult days for those who love the truth, and if you’re going to declare the ability to rock a human face every 6 minutes and 40 seconds of your entire young life, you should expect to be called out on it. Even with the album played at full volume, this researcher’s face never even wobbled, so suffice it to say we here at Darkvale Laboratories take Mr. B. Jovi’s swaggering lyrics with a grain of salt. The battle for truth is an important one, and you can all rest easy knowing that we at Darkvale Studios are here to shine the cold light of scientific investigation onto the shadowy claims being made by those who shape our world. Darkvale Studios proudly seeks out the crucial truths others pretend they don’t care about.